It was a disappointing visit at the doctor’s office today. My numbers are up. After receiving trial medication for Crohn’s Disease four weeks ago, my numbers are expected to go down. I did see some improvement, as did my husband. We were both excited about what the next few months would hold and then last week – I hit a major bump in the road.
Pain levels soared up again and the rules are: they count the last 7 complete days of your pain scale diary. The two weeks prior to that were awesome! But the week they scored was my worst week. What it means: if my numbers don’t improve in 4 more weeks, I’m dropped from the study. Even if I’m feeling some improvement and grateful for it, it has to fit in the parameters of the study at the exact time they give. I see why they have the rules they do, but in the end, no one likes to be playing the numbers game.
I could have another great 3 weeks and then the last week before my next appointment could ruin it all. Like many instances in life, one bad episode ruins the whole program. One delicious apple is ruined by finding that half of a worm in one bite. So the progress of Sharon the guinea pig is measure in the final week. It is what it is and it will be what it will be. I will trust God at this point to see me through.
In the meantime, I’m gong to reevaluate areas in my life where I may have inadvertently put others into a forced numbers game. I’ll try to take a look at the whole picture, not just one isolated bump in the road. I think they call that grace.