Tag Archives: Family

How Perspective Defines the Unthinkable

One of the things my husband and I enjoy presenting at our marriage seminars is the fact that the differences men and women find fascinating about each other at the beginning can become frustrations after they are married – but there’s hope! We teach people how to reignite understanding their spouse and give them tools to turn those frustrations back into fascination about the person they love!

The funny thing about these principles, and many others, is that they can be applied to many relationships, not just marriages. So we found ourselves having yet another discussion with the oldest regarding the youngest of our offspring. Here is the scenario.

Greta was told to wash her hands before handling a book. She went to the kitchen sink that was full of the dishes I had just used to make breakfast, instead of either of the other two sinks in the house that were completely free. Michael was dumbfounded. Why would she choose theĀ  most difficult sink to wash her hands in? That’s easy. For Greta, she just wanted it done so she could move on to the next thing and the kitchen sink was the closest to her. She went for it.

After discussing it further, we came to the crux of the perspective problem between the two of them. Michael finds it unthinkable that someone could care so little about a situation. We then assured him that it was equally unthinkable to Greta that someone would care so much!

We interact with other people on a daily basis and perhaps we even judge them because of something they have done that we find unthinkable! But we must bear in mind that the unthinkable is molded by our perspective. Let’s give others some grace that their perspective may be different than ours and therefore their actions may not be as unthinkable as previously thought.

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Filed under Community, Family, Parenting

Who vs How

I’m reading and enjoying Ed Dickerson’s book, “Grounds for Belief.” He writes about some of his coffee shop style meetings with young adults and how they share their faith. Early in the book, Ed makes it clear there is a difference between faith/belief in God and religion. He calls faith in God the “Who” and religion is simply the “how.”

When it comes to a worship service, the Bible has little to say about the how and a whole lot more about the Who. While it is true that “how” can give us structure and so forth to help us function better in order to reach more folks about the wonderful “Who” we serve, our faith loses something when it becomes primarily about the how.

One of the things my husband would love to change about the church worship service is what he calls the “pontifical entrance.” He explains that the Bible doesn’t record anywhere that Paul told all the people to sit down and then wait for him to go behind the door and then march in the room in a very solemn like manner to indicate church was now about to begin. Reverence, yes of course we need reverence. Just read a few stories about people that got a tiny glimpse of God and fell flat on their faces. He is awesome! But if we get hung up on church can’t start because it takes three men to have the pontifical entrance and one is gone on vacation – we are more worried about the how instead of the Who.

I think of it this way: our little family of five – we’re in this together. We often say we live and die as a family. So we have chore charts, menus and schedules to keep track of what needs to be taken out of the freezer and put in the oven and who needs to be where at what time. But that’s not our family. Those things help our family function, but it’s not our family. They make getting through life each day easier, balancing everyone’s schedules and dietary needs – but the people are the family. When the chore chart, menu planner or weekly schedule become more important than time for a tickle or reading a story together – our focus is off.

If God intrigues you, but religion turns you off – you might want to consider worshiping with a group of folks that focus on Who instead of how. It could make all the difference.

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Filed under Family, Spirituality

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

“Sock it to me,” from Aretha Franklin’s classic rendition of R-E-S-P-E-C-T has new meaning for me as it will now be permanently linked with – laundry.

I love church youth groups! I especially love church youth groups that aim to grow character and teach responsibility. Matthew had an opportunity to earn a Pathfinder honor recently and it was in – laundering. To receive this honor, he had to be responsible for the entire family’s laundry for one full week. Sorting, washing, drying, folding. The whole works! Thankfully, he chose a week where I was very busy with VBS, so it was most helpful to have him in charge of the mountain of clothes.

“I have so much more respect for you now mommy.” Thank you. I’m hoping he remembers that aura of respect the next time he eyes his neatly folded stack of laundry that mom did for him. If not, he may be forced to slave over folding and mating the socks forever. No R-E-S-P-E-C-T, then you will be stuck on sock duty. Sock it to you! Matthew admitted folding was what he hated the most. He says he will help more with laundry in the future, but first he wants to not have to see it for a while. Can’t blame the poor kid.

So now I’m a firm believer in every church having a Pathfinder youth group that encourages kids to get their laundering honor. Love it!

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Filed under Parenting

The Two Reasons

Squash bugs have decided to invade my little garden box of squash. Yuck.

I have given the 11-year-old the task of using his pocket knife to destroy these pests that will rob us of our produce. He looked at me stunned, his eyes revealing his thoughts of “I can’t do that.” So I looked him in the eye and told him the two reasons.

There are only two reasons why a man ever kills. It is to protect his family or to provide for his family. He got it. He understood that getting rid of the bugs protected our garden that was to provide food for the family.

It is somewhat ironic that we had this conversation this morning. You see, Matthew has been declaring his childhood is over in various ways. He no longer picks up children’s offering at church, instead he brings his own money to pass out to all the “little kids.” And so it has gone for the past few weeks. In his rush to leave the innocence of childhood, he has stumbled upon the harsh reality of adult responsibilities. Perhaps indeed this summer will be the boy’s “coming of age.”

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Safe

Their house was destroyed.

Tuesday morning, I finally got in contact with one of my aunts in the Oklahoma City area to learn of the family. My aunt and uncle lost their home. My cousin and his family rode out the twister in their cellar. Their house sustained damage to the windows and such. It was so good to hear they were alive!

As I watched reports later that day, officials said please make contact with your families to let them know you are safe, so we aren’t looking for you. We need to concentrate our efforts on those who really are still missing. How important it is to let someone know you are safe!

I took this information to heart and added a tornado app to my smart phone as I also live in a Texas section of Tornado Alley. Last night it was our turn to listen to incredible storms and sit under a tornado watch, waiting to see if one would touch down. It is important to be prepared. It is important to stay connected.

Maybe you haven’t been through a tornado. Maybe you haven’t even seen so much as a bolt of lightning lately, but is there anyone you need to connect with? How long has it been since you took the time to tell some distant relatives, hey, I’m okay. How are you?

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Filed under Community, Family

Mother Daughter Day

My sister is a single parent of a beautiful and talented young woman. When Cherokee was just getting to school age, Mother’s Day rolled around. In this family of two – one parent and one child, Mother’s Day wasn’t about recognition. For Cherokee, it seemed like she was being separated from her mom. Susan caught on to this real quick and said it wasn’t a day just for her that Cherokee couldn’t be part of. So they renamed it Mother Daughter Day.

Cherokee has since graduated with honors from high school, but it is still Mother Daughter Day for her and her mom. She’ll tell her grandma and me (her favorite aunt) “Happy Mother’s Day,” but for her mom, it’s Happy Mother Daughter Day.

The most important thing a mother can do is stay connected in the lives of her children. It doesn’t mean she gives them anything they want or condone any of their wrongdoings. It means she still has access to touch their hearts and be touched in return. To my sister, maintaining that connection with Cherokee was more important than calling that day by its rightful name of Mother’s Day.

Many blessings as you celebrate the true essence of mother’s day this weekend!

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Filed under Family, Parenting

Video Tears & Community

I got an email today asking me to review my application process for the special summer camp we have applied for – regarding Greta’s ADEM. It seems 40 families (it is a family camp) have signed up and they only have room for 30 families – unless some smaller families double in up in the units. In the email, they included a video of introduction to the facility – the Center for Courageous Kids.

Maybe it’s just because I’m a mom. Maybe it is just because Greta is still so young and we are still discovering what all lifelong issues ADEM will leave her to deal with. Whatever the reason, I couldn’t keep my eyes dry while watching that video.

There is a saying that unless you’ve been there, you just can’t understand. That’s what is so great about community. When we get together – we are stronger. When we get together – we find understanding and share ways to cope. I’m looking forward to attending this camp and meeting other ADEM families and sharing stories and practical day to day tips. Each child experiences ADEM differently, depending on where the lesions were located, how large they were and how many there were, as well as how long it took to get properly diagnosed and treated. So many variables, yet at the same time there are still classic ADEM leftovers that almost every patient, especially the children have to deal with.

What would we do without community? What would we do if we always thought we were the only one in the entire world that suffered the way we suffer? Take the time to be open about yourself and what you are going through – whatever it is. Look for support groups or fundraisers that help create awareness or contribute to vital research. You may have a handle on your situation yourself and think you don’t need community. I’m not going to congratulate you. I’m going to tell you that out there is someone who doesn’t have it figured out and they would be thrilled to talk to someone who has been through it and knows some of the ropes.

We need each other. We need community. Just google center for courageous kids and watch their introduction video. It just might change how you feel about community.

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Filed under ADEM, Community