My husband and I do marriage seminars, in a few flavors to meet the needs of the local audience. But no matter what style of seminar we are presenting, the facts are the same. In general men initiate sex more than women. Men everywhere are having a moment of silence for this sad fact. In general, women will be shocked that it even matters. At the end of the day, it may not matter much as long as sex happens. On the other hand, most men get a thrill out of being the one pursued once in a while. It’s not without danger and risk though. Some crazy things can happen when women initiate sex.
1. She often becomes a dictator. When a woman initiates intimacy, she sort of skips that gentle flirtation mode and goes straight for the “we’re doing it right here and right now” mode. It’s a good thing that this is usually a turn on for men, after they catch their breath from being surprised.
2. She stands her ground. Sometimes a couple will agree to an intimate encounter out in the beauties of nature, but women generally crave security and privacy. This means she will decide where she feels safe and she won’t budge. If she decides a nice soft spot in between some trees is perfect, she may not be seeing your view – looking over the cliff’s edge. But she’s going to stand her ground for this safe place for her and you’ll never forget it.
3. Her “rules” don’t apply. Basically, she exercises the right to redefine previously set sexual boundaries when she is the initiator. Perhaps he has been wanting to try a new position, but she won’t budge until the day she takes over and initiates. Then she decides it’s worth a try. At this point, guys can get frustrated that the rules don’t apply to her, or be grateful that it happened. The good news is that sometimes after she rewrites the rules for herself, she’ll sometimes rewrite them for him as well.
Everyone wears a seat belt. That was the rule laid out by mom and dad. When my sister and I were driving the family car, everyone riding with us had to wear their seat belt. Failure to follow this rule would result in loss of driving privileges. Pretty simple and straightforward.
A lot of life and living took place between my young driving days and my oldest son turning 16 years old. Let’s get Michael his driver’s license! Rite of passage just like I went through at that age. But it wasn’t that easy in the great state of Texas for a 16 year old to get a driver’s license. I had visions of Michael driving himself and his two younger siblings to school each day. That would take a load off of Karl and I. We were looking forward to it. But someone told us that wouldn’t work and we looked into the rules about driving in Texas. Things had changed a lot since I was sweet 16 and driving the family car!
Somewhere between my parents and their rules and my son being of age for a driver’s license; there were a whole lot of parents that began scrapping their parental rights and duties. Instead of being their child’s parent, they gave in to the popular notion of the time (that is still floating around out there) that their primary objective was to be their child’s best friend. Really? So if your parent is your best friend, who do you go to when you need a parent? Look no further, big brother is standing by.
This is how it works. Parents put restrictions on their offspring when new privileges are granted. As the young person proves trustworthy, the restrictions are gradually lifted. Parents have been parents. Young people have learned trust and accountability and the roads are safer. When parents quit parenting, the government steps in. It may be local, state or even federal, but when parents stop parenting someone has to be come the parent. So now the state of Texas is the parent for all young drivers. There is no way to determine if they have been trustworthy or not, so specific ages are set down. Regardless of how wonderful your little darling is, the law has specific restrictions and limitations until they reach a certain age. It’s what happens when you govern the masses.
It was so much easier and more gratifying when parents held those duties and responsibilities. It was intimate, something you achieved under the watchful eyes, cheering and support of those closest to you. Now it’s a number in line and the same rule applies to all universally – no matter how safe of a driver you are.
Will parents ever take back their rights and duties? I’m hoping so.
There was an explosion at the breakfast table this morning. The kids had pushed me too far and I used my best get their attention voice. It must have been growing up near an Air Force Base and hanging out at times at a National Guard Military Department that gave me the edge with getting their attention. I even got Karl’s attention.
One word, one order from their mommy turned drill sergeant and instantly the children were to their seats at the table and very quiet. Karl and I discussed what was happening and we decided we hadn’t been enforcing the rule. No more! The Cold Cereal Rule will now be enforced.
You see, our kitchen is quite small. There is not enough room for the kids to pack their lunches and for me to make them a good breakfast to help them have a good day at school. So the rule is that they get their lunches done and out of the way in time for me to make a good breakfast for them. They’ve been pushing it and it makes it very difficult for me to make breakfast. So the threat of be on time or we will have cold cereal hasn’t been enforced. No more. Karl and I have decided a rule isn’t any good if it isn’t enforced. So the kids may end up having cold cereal every school day for a while, until they can figure out we mean business.
The hardest part about parenting, is disciplining yourself! I don’t want cold cereal every day. That’s the truth. But I will have to train myself and sacrifice and eat cold cereal in order to teach the children a lesson. I hope they learn it fast. I want to go back to pancakes and breakfast burritos and all kinds of good stuff.
I listed to Matthew’s well thought out and just a bit emotional reasons as to why it was incredibly wrong for Greta to leave her nice “church” socks on the front porch. He proceeded to say that if he were the parent that if she continued to ruin her good socks he would have her pay for the next pair of socks.
I simply had one question for Matthew in response – “Just like I make you pay for all of your new pair of jeans because you wear holes in the knees?”
He said he couldn’t help it, he was forced to do it at school. I responded that Greta doesn’t come home with holes in the knees of her pants. Well she’s not in 5th grade! My response, she is in 4th grade as you were last year and you got holes in your knees last year too. There wasn’t much else to say after that.
It seems that Matthew was having trouble with grace and application. Kids are kids. Matthew plays hard and gets holes in the knees of his pants. If I stifle that, what else might I stifle? So we have to iron on some patches, it’s not the end of the world. Greta has a personality of friendliness and giving – so much so that she doesn’t take time to put things away properly before the next act of giving and friendliness. If I stifle that, what else might I stifle?
But to Matthew, he saw the rules in his mind as only applying to Greta. He didn’t see how his judgmental rules would apply to himself as well. I suppose it is the same with adults. We also struggle with grace and application. We only want the rules to apply to others, but we want grace for ourselves. Perhaps Matthew will figure it out eventually. In the meantime, I tell myself that holes in knees and misplaced socks are not the end of the world. At some point in time, Matthew will outgrow wearing out the holes in the knees of his jeans. At some point Greta will “catch on” to the instructions of neatness and tidiness that so far haven’t had the impact we have hoped for. I will keep giving instruction and I will keep giving grace, as God gives it to me.